If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
