The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
They took my balls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
