I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
