FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
