With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize