He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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