she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
