your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
