when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
