In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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