Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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