I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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