i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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