We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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