I looked at my own cervix.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
