My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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