Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
