I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
