come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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