I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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