TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
