Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
40s are totally the cure
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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