Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
