I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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