...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize