she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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