I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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