I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
