I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I fill condoms, not promises.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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