Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
