you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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