If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
