Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
