Jerry, you need to find god
I met the friendliest cop last night
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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