You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
