I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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