I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
