Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
