Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
