can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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