Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
