You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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