Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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