dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize