So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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