Buhtt sex?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
