sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
