they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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