dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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