Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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