Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
