great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
