i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
