oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Congratulations! We have a period
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
