Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize