so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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