Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
They took my balls.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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