did you get engaged???
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
