I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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