I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
