Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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