I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
