fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
