was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
