Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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