I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
