you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
