she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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