the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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