I puked a lego.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
