Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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