brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
