I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
