i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
