woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
